Mental illness
For as long as I can remember I have suffered from a variety of impairments and have just recently returned to treatment. Someone might say why did you stop but that is very personal info and maybe as I continue with this site I might at a later time divulge that information. Let’s see where to start. When I was as young as 13 I was having thoughts of suicide and severe depression but not to far into the future I started displaying sings of a more serious condition the clinical diagnose was OCD or obsessive compulsive disorder witch has now taken over my life. I was also told that I have a mild form of turrets. Now I know what your thinking I blurt out foul language that’s not the case I do that any way but for different people it takes different forms mine is yelling. It is an impulse in the brain that triggers you to vocalize in some form or another. I have been on almost every medication out there and nothing has touched it. I spent years looking for something that would help and in doing so experienced every side effect in the book. Anything from sleepiness to sexual dysfunction and let me tell you when something is not working the doctors want to up it as high as they can to fully rule out that particular drug before they stop it and that just means same side effects times 2. now don’t get me wrong medicine has helped so many but for me nothing has been much of a help at the most it dulled the symptoms but did not eliminate them. I realize that drugs don’t make the symptoms disappear but should make the condition manageable. So where do I go from here well I just started seeing a new doctor who is more accommodating to me schedule I don’t know if I should use here name until I get permission maybe that will be soon. But she is a blessing never have I met a more understanding and aggressive doctor who so desperately wants to get to the bottom of the problem. Now my other doctor who comes to find out is leaving the practice of medicine. Now I am not saying that he was not a good doctor but after every meeting he would reschedule me for a month or 2 which is not the best strategy at fixing the problem. My new doctor is very mindset in the fact that you must meet closer together in order to fix the problem. But unfortunately since being back on the meds the sideffects are back and so fucking hard to bear. Now I understand that the longer you stay the course the side effects lessen but from coming from someone who has dealt with this almost all his life there are times when I question the reason why go on living. Now don’t go jumping to the conclusion that I am saying I am going to make an attempt to take my life but I can’t say it hasn’t crossed my mind. When dealing with any illness the first thing that comes to mind is why me? And will the treatment be worth it. Now I will get personal in this one way. When you’re a man sex is the number 1 thing on your mind and I am at the point where I can’t even jerk of without it becoming a workout. Now when you masturbate the whole point is to cum but even that takes a lot of work to accomplish.( god I hope my mom doesn’t read this.) the whole point of this piece is to stress this point when dealing with this type of illness comes a lot of mixed feelings so my word of advice is this find comfort in things that make you happy and focus all your energy on that. In my life I never had someone I could say really loved me but if you do by all means find hope through that person be it a boyfriend, girlfriend or parent. And also know that I know your pain.
Yours truly
DAVIDGTWISTED
P.S. THANK YOU ALL FOR READING I CARE ABOUT ALL OF YOU KEEP YOUR HEADS UP YOU WILL AL BE FINE LIFE REALLY WHAT YOU TRY AND MAKE OF IT.
Sex and religion
I should start with the sex topic and merge into the religion portion as I go. Sex is a topic that for the longest time has been taboo to talk about yet with out it we all would cease to exist. I guess that religion is to blame for a lot of it but I'll get to that later. I never understood why it has always been so hush but I think that we have come a very long way in verbalizing and excepting when ever it is brought up. For instance just recently I found out my aunt is gay. I have always been a supporter of gay rights in fact I won't mention any names but a so called customer who comes to a coffee shop I frequent made a comment today that made me want to fucking punch his mop looking head right of. It came about when he started frequently bringing up transsexuals or she males.( this guy knows web sites by name????). I have always been fascinated by movies than stir up controversy and broke back mountain caught my attention. In viewing this move I observed two things#1 that love in all forms is beautiful and #2 gay couples face a lot of obstacles in ever day life and no matter how fare we have come there will always be people who hate. This guy made a reference that just because I bought and viewed this piece of cinema my sexuality should come into question. I have one thing to say to that. If someone is that ignorant he must be the one tacking it up the ASS. But I digress. The reason I decided to talk about sex is because of the controversy that surrounds it and lately of all the teenage pregnancy that keep happening. Let me start by saying this kids will and are exposed to a verity of things in life and like it or not sex is one of them. I am a proud uncle of my 5yr old nephew and believe me the idea of him eventually having a sex life scars the hell out of me. But here's my point. If I had kids which I someday hope to have I believe that when the topic of sex comes up there is nothing better to do then be honest and straight forward with them. For example when I grew up I did so without a father so when things of a sexual nature came up all I had was my mother and grandmother and needless to say but being a male the very thought of talking to them made me extremely uncomfortable. Now pardon me if this is to much info but whatever. When I discovered masturbation I was very ashamed of my self and thought I was sick and a freak. All I am saying is that all that could have been avoided if sex was more expectable to talk about and the mere thought of burning in a hell for all eternity just for jerking it scared the shit out of me. But the hormones kept flowing and so did other things HA:. If we talk to are kids like human beings and acknowledge they will become sexual beings maybe we could elevate some of the guilt that comes with growing up.